Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Alive and well and drunk in Cardiff

Hello clouds, hello sky, to quote my old mentor Fotherington-Thomas (look it up, you might like it!).

Cardiff Drunk has not died, lost his computer, forgotten how to type or been indulging in testing the old hypothesis (a bollocks one in Cardiff Drunk's view) that that which does not kill me makes me stronger by hacking off body parts from the big toe up. Oh no.

But Cardiff Drunk has not been happy - and is not happy now that he appears to be typing about himself in the third person, that is the road to Michael Vaughan (sorry American readers, that's a cricket thing, look it up you won't understand it.)

Well, here I am then. What's up with you? I hope you're well and I'm about to shoot round all your blogs and say hello and leave comments and all that spaz. I must admit, I went into a bit of a down for a while there - the skin, the drink, the work, the dreaded depression. But, I seem to be coming out of it.

Again the catalysts are there and easy to see - Mrs CD going away for a week signalled a bit of a booze bonanza and my mood went right down, I turned in on myself and locked the doors and hid under the duvet waiting for the sky to fall down and listening to the background buzz of suicidal thoughts rise in intensity and volume. I still managed to make it into work though and to a doctor's appointment, I missed my voluntary work though, preferring a wasted afternoon in the pub, getting wasted.

Being alone on my birthday certainly played a part too, as did the visit of my parents the previous day. I feel such a let down to them, such a thrower-away of the opportunities they provided for me and such a liar - all the old conflict comes back and guilt starts to build a small but decently-sized bungalow in my psyche with planning permission for an extension at a future date.

Mrs CD's return has helped a great deal as has the unscheduled arrival of chilly early spring. I don't believe I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) but the weather of late did get me down. Cold and wet. I know anyone in the oft snowy wastes of North America will be sniggering at Britain's reaction to a few inches of the stuff, but for me it was the constantly grey skies over the dog shit streets. I'm told by locals that it almost never snows in Cardiff - a coastal city in a crater - but, boy can it rain. There were lights among the gloom though - the start of the Six Nations (again, apologies Americans, but we're onto rugby union now - the closest (particularly in the dissident but related League code) we in Britain have to your odd gridiron game) with Wales cruising to victory against a disgracefully poor Scottish side - drink was taken, but socially so, in a joyfully rocking O.

I even got asked my name by one of the bar-maids: "You tend to only know people by their drink love," she said, "What's your name?" So, I am no longer Stella SA Strongbow (do all those S's hide some hidden meaning?) I am now known by my given name.

The drinking ran away with itself a little and started to head for John O'Groats with a wild-eyed look in its eye and hotel reservations in Carlisle, and, I would probably have to say that today I am a dependent drinker - that is, I will feel physical withdrawal effects if I don't drink. Somehow, I don't mind though, because I won't drink tonight - I'm coming up again. Hoorah. I seem to have got on top of the eczema for the moment, I've completed the therapeutic day programme through the community addictions unit and the dreaded end of training and actual call taking looms ever closer but my confidence seems to have dusted itself off and looked at the rubber tree plant with disdain.

If you spent it, thank you for your time. I love you all, as I love all mankind - except the England rugby union team whose demise shall be mighty and terrible to behold come Saturday afternoon.

Iechyd da, bob Cymru!



Fallen-Angel said...

Ah!! You're alive :D:D

I was getting rather worried :(

Glad to hear you're ok :)

I'm watching Wales v England on the weekend with boyfriend who's English... it's gonna be fun :P


Micky said...



Is not the time coming, and the day hastening, when covetous men shall be ashamed of loving the world, and voluptuous men ashamed of loving their pleasures, and ambitious men ashamed of loving their honours?

For is it not a horrid shame, that a rational creature should be such a sot as to love sin which is most loathsome, and not to love Jesus who is most lovely? To love deformity, and not beauty?

Oh shame, shame! It is a shame that sin should have such esteem, and Jesus such great contempt put upon him.

But shame shall before long confound these now shameless wretches, when they shall cry out, "We are ashamed that we loved profits, and not Jesus- houses, lands, lusts, and not Jesus.
This is the confusion of our faces, and shame covers us-- that we should be so foolish, and so blind, that we had not sense, nor reason, to distinguish between sin, which is the greatest and most odious evil, and Jesus who is the greatest and most lovely good."

But the time will never come, the day will never be, that a gracious soul shall be ashamed of his sincere love to Jesus Christ.

Micky said...


Ecclesiasticus 31
40 The heat of drunkenness is the stumblingblock of the fool, lessening strength and causing wounds.

Isaias 5
11 Woe to you that rise up early in the morning to follow drunkenness, and to drink till the evening, to be inflamed with wine.

Romans 13
13 Let us walk honestly, as in the day: not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and impurities, not in contention and envy:

Galatians 5
21 Envies, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like. Of the which I foretell you, as I have foretold to you, that they who do such things shall not obtain the kingdom of God.

Micky said...

Proverbs 20
1 Wine is a luxurious thing, and drunkenness riotous: whosoever is delighted therewith shell not be wise.

Isaias 29
9 Be astonished, and wander, waver, and stagger: be drunk, and not with wine: stagger, and not with drunkenness.

Isaias 56
12 Come, let us take wine, and be filled with drunkenness: and it shall be as today, so also tomorrow, and much more.

Jeremias 13
13 And thou shalt say to them: Thus saith the Lord: Behold I will fill all the inhabitants of this land, and the kings of the race of David that sit upon his throne, and the priests, and the prophets, and all the inhabitants of Jerusalem. with drunkenness.


Do you want to end up here?

The Drinker said...

Hey Ana,

Thanks for the good wishes - I hope you're feeling better soon too after reading yer blog.

I hope your boyfriend isn't going to be too upset by his team's impending walloping ;O) I'm really nervous about it actually (as I always am), I don't like the idea of going into a game against England as favourites - every team, no matter how bad, seems to have one good game in them in the six nations and England would absolutely love to win in Caerdydd. Complacency is the enemy - we should have scored hundreds against Scotland and not let them anywhere near the points they did score.

Anyway. Fingers crossed.


The Drinker said...

Hey Micky,

I'm glad you've been saved, well-played and all that and thank you for the Bible quotes - a book in which there is a lot of wisdom and some beautiful writing.

Take it easy there.


Micky said...



John 3: 16 For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth in him, may not perish, but may have life everlasting.

Mary LA said...

Micky has pestered everyone in the recovery community and gives meaning to the term 'troll'. I would just screen your comments and delete his posts. His regular diatribes go directly into my spam folder.

Have a good weekend.

Mary in Africa

Micky said...

You are of your father, the devil, , and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and doesn't stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks on his own; for he is a liar, and its

Burn in hell, Mary L A!

Shadow said...

mmmm, interesting ramblings.... glad to see you rising

Anonymous said...

I meant to comment back earlier on the fact that WE WON ^-^

Both my boyfriend and best friend are English so I had to deal with two moody boys for the next few days; worth it though.

Hope you're alright seeing as you haven't posted in a while.


Anybeth said...

CD, have you drowned in the bath?