Friday, July 17, 2009

A small bad... small goods too... counselling... on the piss with the boys.

If I don't blog for a day or two that's always a sign of a small bad in my life. Nothing major though, just slipping into drifting and boredom slightly. It's coinciding with Mrs CD working away, so, must do better next week when she's away again.

I'd love to delight, shock and entrance you now with tales of sober derring do and edge-of-the-pintglass thrills, but there's little of that going on. Antabuse you see, if I drink, I'm in hospital and I don't want to go to hospital.

Things have moved along though.

The big news treatment wise is my first counselling session. Not a full blown talkathon but rather an assessment to see how I am and if counselling is for me at the moment. After my previous bad experiences I honestly ummed and aahed quite a bit about whether to go back. I was honest enough to tell the lady from Cardiff Alcohol and Drugs Team (CADT) that one of the reasons I was thinking of coming back is that I'm benefiting greatly from having things to do and appointments to keep. I told he about my excellent experience with the anxiety man at Pathways and that the short, sharp, practical nature of it had really helped.

Talking about the past isn't for me at the moment. I'm finding the longer I'm sober the more able I am not to wallow in painful memories. The blights of my youngsterism are mild compared to many and I'm in a position now where I think I want to say - that was then and thinking about it is not going to help me now. What I need is a future, I've spent too long as a victim of perceived slights in the mists of memory. There are a couple of things I'd maybe like to get off my chest but, avanti!

The waiting list is around a month, so we shall see what we shall see in due course.

That was about it for appointments this week. The other biggie this week has been a successful afternoon out with M and D. This really felt like a big step for me. I've been popping into the pub, but not for sustained lengths of time and just to chat. But this was my friends going out for a session - meeting in a pub and then going to other pubs.

And, it was great - I honestly can't remember having laughed so much in, well, in years. And that felt very good. My menu for the afternoon was:

One Pint gingerbeer and lemonade.
One Applejuice, to wash down some of all you can eat for £6.50 Chinese buffet in Queen Street - another first for me, and lovely.
One coffee.
Two teas.
Another coffee, a glass of water.

Too much coffee there, and I'm going to have to try and get out of the habit that there must be a full drink in front of me. It's a hangover from alcoholique days - as a drinker I always saw the glass as on its dregs and I'm sure others have faced the panic of NO MORE CANS AFTER THIS ONE.

We met at two and I gave a massive double take when I was told it was gone 6pm as I headed home while they went on to another bar.

And that's that. The screaming of children still perturbs me and was a fly in the ointment of that lovely day but I'm getting a little better with experience and I know one way to not make it worse - lay off the dope you idiot.

I've also met a fellow about writing for his website, and he's very keen and encouraging and also did my volunteering today - nothing more than putting stuff in envelopes but a welcome change from walls and computer screens.

Maybe more tonight, but I'm hoping to have a good long session on the music machine.

I hope you're all well and if you spent it, thank you for your time.

Cardiff Drunk.


delcatto said...

Good to hear you are ok. I've never tried gingerbeer & lemonade, although I like lemonade with lime juice.

The Drinker said...

Mrs CD has been making a lime and ginger drink of late, which is simply lovely - drink it a lot, I gather it's good for you too.