Monday, November 17, 2008

Appointment confirmed.

A letter has just arrived confirming my appointment with the Community Addictions Unit (CAU) next Wednesday. That's something I suppose - things are moving, I've done the right things in a way, I've admitted my problems and asked for help.

Counsellor has warned me that I am likely to face a waiting list of up to six months and told me that funds are so tight that only alcohol and heroin addicts are getting treatment at the moment, everyone else is being left to their own devices.

The truth is, although I know I am addicted to alcohol and want to stop, I also dread sobriety. There's a reason why I've fallen into drunkenness; I enjoyed it, it was perfect for me. I've told several professionals that I think there is an element of self-medication to my addiction - that it's the only way I can deal with my skittering mind and what I believe is a hugely over-developed inner dialogue which I have difficulty controlling and which tends towards the negative and apocalyptic. That's my schema I guess and what I'm trying to change.

No-one has ever really acknowledged my view or offered any thoughts on it. I'll try again when I go to my assessment.

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