Slightly brighter.

A couple of achievements of note yesterday. I say achievements, and to me they are, but anyone reading this is likely to regard them as the sherryiest of trifles.

In an effort to get some routine into my life and improve my self-esteem my girlfriend has been writing me lists of things to do each day. (She really is a wonderfull support and without her love and care I'd be in a much worse state than I am.)

Chief among these is getting up. Easy right? Sadly not. I wake with a hangover, it goes without saying, and have found the mornings the hardest time of the day - I lie in bed hating myself, brooding obsessively on past unhappinesses or my lack of a future.

The last two days - and today - have been better. Yesterday I got up and left the house as my girlfriend went to work. I walked into town.

Once there I found myself overwhelmed and exhausted by the hustle and bustle. But, I managed to make it to the health food shop to buy a stack of vitamins and supplements.

My mother bought me a copy of Optimum Nutrition for the Mind by Patrick Holford. I can see plenty of common sense merit in his theories, although I gather that his ideas (and he claims some marvellous results for the use of nutrition in the treatment of mental illness including addiction) are very far from universally accepted. In fact he's considered a dangerous charlatan by some.

Still, eating better and taking some vitamin pills is harmless, and it makes me feel as if I'm trying to do something - the placebo effect is at least an effect. I've been prescribed vitamins by my GP too because alcohol inhibits their absorption.

So, I have hemp oil, vitamin C, some ground pumpkin and flax seeds and magnesium, calcium and zinc tablets.

Should I be cured immediately, I will of course let you know.