Saturday, December 6, 2008

And last night... A tale of three drugs.

And so the cut down continues.

Last night I didn't start drinking until around 8.15pm. By then, the cravings were strong, but nothing like what I went through on day one, when I really feared I was about to have a seizure and was suffering chest pains.

Last night's score board was another step forward on the road to NO DRINK. Still a little disappointing however. I took two Diazepam at lunchtime, which meant by the time my girlfriend got home I was too woozy to do anything much. I headed to the shop for my cans, after I'd had a couple of cups of tea first - totally tea, you see. She asked me to get some frozen peas but all I could see was the beer - the vegetables went completely out of my head, there was to be no peas in our time.

I helped to finish off the dinner and absolutely necked my first can. I was also irritable and impatient with Mrs Cardiff Drunk; just didn't want to listen to her news from what had been quite an exciting day at work for her. So, I took my Trazodone at 8.30pm and, maybe rather foolishly, chucked another Diazepam in for good measure.

Mrs Cardiff Drunk went to play some online puzzle games and I stayed watching the TV.

By 10, I was floating on the drugs and, to be honest, having difficulty standing. But, I still managed it, and I still opened the third can - the physical craving is still strong. But, I didn't finish it, probably made it half way down. I just about made it upstairs, just about struggled out of my clothes, forced myself to clean my teeth and literally fell into bed.

Then sleep.

This morning was better again. And, I'm going for it today - the aim is my first drink free day since Gary McAllister knows when (as I'm not really sure I believe in god, I've decided to try and leave him or her out of my language as far as possible).

I was up by 9am. Had a proper wash. Had breakfast: and as I'm trying to be healthy as far as possible it was muesli with my super seeds - ground flax, sunflower and pumpkin seeds. A glass of grapefruit juice (I'm supposed to be laying off citrus fruits because they're bad for eczema, so I need to get some apple or pear juice today) to wash down - deep breath - one prescribed multivitamin, one prescribed thiamine, one vitamin b complex, one omega three oil with evening primrose capsule, one magnesium and calcium chelated tablet (no, I haven't got the foggiest what chelated means). Then I chewed on two high strength vitamin C tablets - I read about a study in Patrick Holford's Optimum Nutrition for the Mind, in which alcoholics given very high doses of vitamin C did much better than those who simply detoxed.

I also took a Diazepam.

Was that bad? I'm already going against the doctor's advice of one at lunch time and one later if I need it to stave off the cravings and delay the start of my drinking a little further.

My rationale is that I'm still waking with a slight tremor in my hands and craving drink by lunchtime and I want today to be, if not the first day of the rest of my life - more of that in the next post - then the start of a period alcohol free. Whether that be a few days or weeks or months or even the rest of my life, time will tell.

We're off out, me and Mrs Cardiff Drunk. Shopping to be done, food and Christmas shopping has to start sometime I suppose. I hate crowds, they make me panic, so, the Diazepam should help me through without that reaching the level when I think about turning to my answer-to-all-life's-problems.

Wish me luck, it's a jungle out there.

If you spent it, thank you for your time. I hope to write more later today.

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