Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Cold Turkey is very cold.

Well, it's 3.45 now, and the cravings/withdrawal are already getting pretty bad. I've been posting in the forums at Brighteyes and the couple of responses I've received to my rather desperate cry for help are that I should definitely not try and detox myself and I probably should turn down the job and stick to the nice, gently, voluntary work role and stay in treatment - if I take the job I can't see how I can subsequently announce that I'm an alcoholic and I need two weeks off for an inpatient detox.

A couple of apples and a cup of tea are helping with the cravings a little but I'm close to having the shakes - partly because I drank less last night. Making the tea, I opened the fridge to find a half finished bottle of wine staring at me seductively. I know if I neck it I can end this awful feeling.

That said, if I can do today, tomorrow should be easier. Or if I can cut down again today - just drink enough to make it through without falling apart. I've managed to detox myself before, with the help of antidepressants that were real knockouts, and I've never fitted in detox before. This feels different though. I'm panicky and feel like I'm about to have a heart attack; I've got pains in my arms. God, I wish there was something I could do, or something I could take to just make it go away.

If I tell my girlfriend I'm going to turn the job down, she will be terribly disappointed and I hate to do that.

I'm back off to Brighteyes to read any further responses.

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