Just another sober Monday

Well, another day, another no drink.

That's good. No cravings either. Which feels fine.

Now, the idea is to start to take some more positive steps - and actually follow through with the fecking little steps into bigger steps. That's always been a bit of a problem for me - I tend to be a quitter. I start things, realise I'm not going to be the world's greatest at them and return to bed. I've done this with all sorts of interests and hobbies which could now be providing a bit of positivity in my life.

Yoga, for example, I decided in order to do it I had to do it every day as soon as I got up, and I decided if I did it in the morning I had to do it really early - in some velvet dawn or some such. So, I started up that way. But the first time I missed a day because I fancied a lie-in or whatever, that was it. "At yoga, I am a loser and a failure," I cried. "That is not for me, oh no, I must abandon this now before more disappointment rain down upon me, like poor home results rain down upon the famous Leeds United." (If being a Leeds United fan isn't a good reason to be depressed then I dunno what is - I'll ask the doctor.

Work training was fine. I'm getting used to the routine, although starting at 5pm means everyone's a bit jaded by then. We all seem to be getting on OK. There's a few students looking for money to help them through their courses, and a couple of people taking on second jobs - one poor bloke is working as a builder as well starting as early as 5am some days; he must be exhausted by the end of a session.

The old fear of failure is still around me like a miasma. Can I do this? It all seems very complicated, very technical at the moment, but, I'm keeping my head down and taking it very seriously and listening and taking notes, so I'll just have to trust to that.

Really, there's not a whole lot to report from yesterday. I still need to get more discipline into my life, but I'm getting there bit by bit - my housework's less last minute before I go out or my girlfriend gets home - certainly than it was when I was drinking every day.

I check a couple of websites for writing jobs every day and I do email off for them if I reckon I've got the modicum of the ghost of a sliver of an outside chance. I've been accepted by a few blogging sites, but it's all for no pay and I do the yoga thang - see above - and don't bother. Stoopid, I know, but then I know I'm stoopid.

The routine of the pub has been displaced, but in its place now sits the routine of the screen. I'm writing this now as the first task of the day, after which I have to try and do something more productive - which today means writing another couple of posts on here, a quick look at the Guardian website - but it must be a quick look! - and a pop in to the Brighteye forums.

One of the reasons I look at The Guardian is to attempt to promote this blog - I leave a link at the end of whatever comments I can be arsed to spew out. I got a couple of nice comments as a result - and one, long and very extraordinary email - by far the best missive I've ever received. I wonder if he's still reading, I emailed him back - if you are hello Mr Moss Side, I hope you're well.

Erm, where was I, yes, there I was. Which is here. Then I must write that article and send it off to the Guardian - I don't have any great hopes of getting it published, although it's not a bad idea and I've had stuff accepted there before, but just following something through to completion will be a good thing. All I have on my to-do list from Mrs Cardiff Drunk is a bit of food shopping and laundry - a stoned orang utan could do it, but that don't mean that I will.

We shall see, and no doubt I'll let you know in inordinate detail.

Take it steady our kids.