Maybe I should be a writer.

That title. That's the dream you see. I used to be a journalist and over the last year I've managed to get three (count 'em) commissions for freelance articles but, to be perfectly honest, I haven't been in a very good state at all and pretty much incapable of putting any effort into it. The ever-present laziness doesn't help - is there a pill for this? And, no I don't mean speed.

Anyway. I'm going to try and make a better first of this from now on.

Before I got my job on the newspaper I signed up for a correspondence course in writing - they're called the Writers' Bureau and they advertise quite heavily. I only completed two assignments, but got excellent feedback - more fuel for the I'm a genius I don't have to try to do anything fire that destroys so many of my dreams.

Well, on Tuesday I emailed them and was thrilled to learn that I can simply start up where I left off. I've still got all the course materials so that's another little project to try and keep me busy and it should also be something I enjoy doing.

The, this thing comes easily, sounds terribly egotistical I know. But, it is to an extent true. I'm a terrible talker, and writing is my natural form of communication. I wrote incredibly quickly and easily when I was reporter, but, it must be remembered that everything I wrote was sub-edited and proof read before cast before the lucky old newspaper buyer. Left to my own devices, I just do the first bit and don't bother with the rest. I've sent off articles which are probably absolutely awful, first draft material in need of a hell of a lot of tweaking and very obviously not worthy of publication.

The same is true of this blog - although, I think spontaneity is accepted in this sort of writing - I never read through what I've written, I just spell check it and press publish.

So, that's another thing to try and learn a bit of discipline. I'm going to try and take a bit more care about these posts - please bear in mind that I don't so much build castles in the air as whole civilisations where men live in brotherhood and peace, so we'll see how that goes. I've got an idiot's guide to HTML, and I would like to do more in terms of links and the like.

A real inspiration has come from finding so many other mental health bloggers out there. I was getting a bit disillusioned by the blogosphere having spent far too long gazing, gob open, at right wing and libertarian hate sheets.

The first inspiration was The Secret Diary of A Manic Depressive: it's on my blogroll. The writer is a natural communicator, I'd go further and say an absolutely excellent writer - honest, beautiful prose, thoughtful, moving - and, if she doesn't get a book offer from her blog, well, then publishers are fricking idiots. It is, by the way, quite possible, that publishers are fricking idiots - most other professions are, so I don't see why publishers shouldn't be.

Do have a read of it.

I heard about her blog on Radio4, and through her I've discovered a whole network of bloggers writing about their mental health problems: sometimes they're inspiring, sometimes less so. But, I'm trying to join these networks and any other way I can use to promote this blog (I did warn you I was a hideous egoist - a self hating one, but one nonetheless - I looked up 'the addictive personality' on the internet once, only to find there isn't one (apparently) and what people like me have is a narcissistic personality - makes sense I suppose.)

So, I'm going to try and jazz up my blog a bit, I'm going to try and get back onto my course, and then I'm going to try and start submitting proper freelance stuff and then I'm going to write a novel, radio play or screen play. And then I'll wake up.

We'll see. It's a fine intention and the road to hell is this way.

All the best.

The Cardiff Drunk. I think the plumber's arrived. What joy!